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Writer's pictureAlana Stern

Who Are you when you are not ... ?


I had a wonderful brief chat recently with Master Coach & Business Psychologist, Andi Saitowitz.


Near the end of our chat, she asked me a really powerful question. Powerful questions are central to coaching. They kind of take your breath away, you always respond with something like, "That's a really good question!" and you find yourself having to pause and do some thinking before answering. 


Nearing the end of or conversation, she slips it in:, “Who are you when you are not Alana Stern - JDHD Coaching?


As someone who is not great at on the spot answers, I answered probably intuitively rather than completely. 


But as with any great coaching, our conversation left me with a lot to think about. 


Who else am I?


Well, I am a:


  • a mother 

  • wife 

  • daughter 

  • daughter in law

  • sister 

  • friend 

  • and a newly-crowned mother in law! 


Wow! Look at all those important relationship roles. This is what comes up when you don't define yourself by what you do.


Who else am I?


In no order other than the way my brain spewed them out:


  • I am a (sometimes regretful) dog owner. 

  • I am a lover of silence and peaceful natural surroundings. 

  • I'm curious and get hyperfocused on a different topic every few months. 

  • I am a pleasure-piano player, not that interested in mastery. 

  • I enjoy creative handiwork but don't do it enough. 

  • I'm a corner-cutter (but I make up for it with my perferctionist tendancies at work).

  • I used to be more of a beach lover, but sometimes the Mediterranean makes me miss the icy real Atlantic ocean I grew up next to. 

  • I'm a Jew. 

  • I'm an Israeli. 

  • I was born a South African, but a Capetonian (IYKYK). 

  • Im a pluviophile (Google it). 

  • I'm probably an introvert. 

  • I'm a half-centenarian...


If you're still reading, I could now fill fifty pages with who I am, despite feeling stumped when first asked. So, thanks again Andi!


Here's to you X and Y


I'm also dedicating this non-money-earning clients. To the one who is a passionate and devoted mother of two young girls, a wife, an experienced non-practicing educator and a trained, non-practicing doula. She strives to fill her days meaningfully but struggles with feelings of inadequacy when new people ask her, “So, what do you do?” 


To the overwhelmed but dedicated, nurturing and devoted mom of three kids under ten, who is also a valourous (eishet chayil) wife, a striver, a creative artist, a thirsty and curious self-learner.


To the courageous, creative, fun, kind-hearted, patient mother of four who holds a masters in special ed.


To all the others who I have been priveleged to coach, who are beautiful, worthy human beings who are and who do so much. Even though they don't get paid a penny for any of it.


The Takeaway


It's so easy to define ourselves by what we do (especially what we do for a living.) But you are so much more than that!


Now it's your turn:


Who Are You When You Are Not...?


Who are you when you're not [your job title]?  Who are youwhen you don't get remunerated for your work?


Let's celebrate all the parts of you that make you YOU.


Drop yours in the comments!



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