Well here we are again. This time, a little disillusioned, pretty frustrated and sporting a whole range of other negative emotions like fear, disappointment and pure exhaustion. Here are a few things that helped me during the last lockdown that I'm striving to re-implement this time round.
Find yourself missing the past? The relative ease of a pre-COVID world? Or are you spending too much time worrying about what will be in the future?
At times like this, remember to STOP ...
S - stop what you are doing / thinking
T – Take a breath, or two or ten. Paying attention to your breath brings you back from past laments or future worries into the present, the only place that really counts.
O – Observe what's going on right now - in your body, in your immediate surroundings, outside.
P – Proceed into the present of getting through today. If that's too much, getting though the next hour, even the next 10 min.
In a worldwide pandemic and a countrywide lockdown, what can you let go of for now?
What is it you really need to say yes to? X hours of work a day? Well then, what can you say "no" to for a while? Clean house? Strict screen time for kids?
Here is some more food for thought: What projects do you need to abandon or postpone?
What resources do you need to divert to the Yes?
What expectations from other people do you need to manage?
What else will you put on hold?
What beliefs and expectations about yourself do you need to let go of for now?
You're frustrated that things are not how you want them to be. You ask yourself, "Why bother if I can't get it right?" Are you aiming for perfect, and getting nowhere?
What does “good enough for now” look like...
In a work project?
At home?
With your health?
With your parenting?
Lockdown is the a time for connection, not perfection. What if your mantra for now was "What does good enough look like here?"
Worry, being cooped up, fuzzy schedules can leave us exhausted. We need ways to conserve our energy. Where can you simplify during this period? Order some take out? Simplify holiday meal menus? Cut down big new-year-resolution-type goals into small, doable changes: a 10 minute walk around the block a few times a week, one day a week of exercise...
Take a minute to decide where else you can:
Reduce
Streamline
Shorten or
Cut the frills.
Online school can be tear-hair-out frustrating. So can school holidays with the family cooped up inside. We have a picture in our minds of how we want things to turn out. When the real result differs from that picture, I know I can get carried away with yelling and sweating the small stuff.
At times like these, I try to zoom out to the big picture, and remind myself that the ultimate goal of parenting is to get them to adulthood with everyone's dignity intact.
That may mean we need to forgo a result ( a school assignment done to our liking, a chore done exactly how we want it, a polite tone used to express their emotions) in favor of nurturing our relationship with our children.
I'm not saying be permissive and let them run wild. Only that we should step back once in a while in the middle of a conflict, and consider if this result we want is really worth the harm it's doing to our relationship with our kids.
That's all for now folks. Stay healthy, stay sane and stay home.