Drop the Shame about Not Being Able to Do Boring Stuff
Today’s thought-byte is about the shame that many people with ADHD (especially ADHD women) feel about not being able to do things they see as “simple”.
Here are some word-for-word quotes from clients:
“It shouldn't be that hard for someone with a degree in …”
“I just want to be functional!”
“I can’t get meals on the table!”
“I know I’m talented, but I’m just so frustrated!”
“I worry about how I can be a good mother when it's so difficult for me to do minor things like make dinner.”
“I’ve always struggled with staying on top of things, especially the boring things.”
It Is Rocket Science
ADHDers can do complicated creative things but they can't seem to do the simple things like make dinner! Yes, these kinds of tasks are not rocket science; but rocket science isn’t your problem!
These things are not simple for you! These are the things that are hard for a brain that is revved up by stimulation, that is driven by emotions - positive or negative emotions.
Emotion is what drives you, what lights your brain and gets you going. That pile of dishes in the sink is not very exciting or interesting or even disturbing, unless there's an associated negative emotion , like discovering that there's mold growing on them, or if somebody is loudly yelling at you to just “do the thing!”
Or you could be spurred on by a positive emotion - like imagining the feeling from visualizing that shining sink. Or from a spouse appreciating you for other tasks you’ve done.
Your Free Pass
In short, I’m giving you permission to drop the shame about not being able to do things that you think are simple. Because for your brain, those are the things that are actually not simple. If there’s no:
challenge
novelty
interest or
deadline,
doing the task can feel almost physically painful.
Want to get the boring stuff done? Introducing:
Meanwhile, I'd love to hear from you in the comments.