Seven years after certifying as an ADHD coach, I finally took the plunge and got officially diagnosed.
Why did it take me so long? Well, allow me to voice a fear that might have crossed your mind too: “What if I don’t get an ADHD diagnosis and then it means I really am just lazy, messy and stupid?”
Did you ever think something similar ?
How Adult ADHD Remains Undetected
Well, it turns out I’ve been living with mild ADHD (inattentive type - previously known as ADD) all my life. It went undetected because, throughout my almost 50 years, I've been building my own strategies for supporting my challenges. I remember:
doodling in my notebooks throughout my school years,
always studying for exams with a huge mug of ice cold Coca Cola to keep me focused,
cultivating an early love of list-making
And as hard as it was to stay tidy and organized, I craved order to feel at ease and in control.
Looking Back with an ADHD Lens
Despite these supports, looking back with this new lens helps me understand where I did struggle. Like:
avoiding participating in class or contentious discussions like world events or politics, because they were hard to follow and I feared saying something stupid.
needing to re-read the same paragraph over and over.
Dreading supermarket shopping, and making bad grocery choices out of overwhelm. (G-d bless you, online shopping!)
Finally getting cleaning help but spending the night before frantically trying to hide the mess.
Feeling selfish for forgetting to send thank you messages.
Being told as a child that I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached to my body.
Feeling like life with 4 kids was like trying to hold a pile of sand in the palm of my hand, while the grains just kept slipping through my fingers.
But I was content. Everyone finds parenting challenging. But on the whole, I enjoyed raising my beautiful family and I always managed to find rewarding work to get up for in the mornings.
Things Take a Turn
If you're a woman in your 40's and 50's, here’s the important part I want to share with you: Around when I turned 40, things suddenly went downhill.
I experienced more overwhelm, making it harder to prioritize and easier to procrastinate.
I dropped balls that I had never in the past dropped -like sending my kids to school without the right books or the required permission slips.
I found myself more distracted than ever - If You Give a Mouse a Cookie became my life.
And (working) memory? My brain has officially run out of Velcro. Nothing sticks anymore!
Serendipity
Funny how life works. I decided to become an ADHD coach primarily to help my children and students. But while learning these strategies, I remember feeling like a lightbulb turned on inside my head. Certifying as has given me some great personal life-supports to overcome the above challenges. For example:
building habits that allow me to do recurring tasks on autopilot. Habits are great for avoiding overwhelm and decision fatigue.
Finding a good enough task management system, AND switching it up every few months to avoid boredom.
Repeating out loud what I'm entering a room for, to help me remember in the face of distraction.
Overall, I’m still processing all of this.
But before I go, I want to send you this link. It’s all about ADHD impairment in your 40’s and 50’s and I swear, it was like they were writing it from inside my own head!
Half of women surveyed called memory problems and overwhelm “life-altering” in their 40s and 50s, and 83 percent reported experiencing some ADHD symptoms for the first time in perimenopause and menopause.
I hope that's helpful. Comment to share your thoughts if any parts of my experience resonated with you.